IF I WERE JESUS…

 A young theatre actor who played Jesus in “Ecce Homo”, and who was rewarded for this special performance, had a very interesting religious experience. Let us read it and think about it.

I was raised in a practicing family. I attended catechism classes. I received all the sacraments of initiation. My profession as actor kept me away from an active religious life, but in my soul, I always remained a believer, although my faith was becoming superficial. When a theatre director asked me to play the role of Jesus, I seriously reflected about it – and I was scared. I was especially afraid when he told me that I would have to study the person of Jesus – each movement and all that belongs to our job – without his help.

I seriously started to study the person of Jesus. Holy Scriptures and other religious books helped me to understand Him better, to imagine how He behaved, acted and spoke. Day after day, I was more and more close to Him. I asked priests and religious sisters, as well as pious people that I met in the church, to tell me about Jesus, how they imagined Him. Everything was helpful. The day came when I was ready to go on the stage. Everything was wonderful and I got the first prize for the best role. I was proud.

But something started to torment me. I thought: If I were Jesus, I would not have died for this people! This idea frightened me and I started to search where this idea was coming from. And all of a sudden it was perfectly clear: We do not understand at all who Jesus is and what He suffered for us! I am only an actor, and we were acting, and I know how difficult it was for me to show forgiveness and love on my face when others were beating and crucifying me. Although I knew that it was just a theatre performance, just acting, it was so difficult to keep a mild and merciful expression on my face. For Jesus, it was the brutal reality of His life. They tortured Him because they could not stand His love. And they crucified Him. And He kept on forgiving and loving, being merciful, thinking of His Mother, of His friend John, of the criminal on the cross next to Him. This is how He was, and He did it for us. And we behave as if nothing happened.

I was especially hurt when I understood that Holy Mass is a permanent renewal of the Passion and Death of Jesus. In His love, He permanently offers Himself, and we are so indifferent. And I thought that Jesus failed, because if people were leaving the theatre as they often leave the church, I would give up my career as an actor!

I often stand next to the church door and observe the faithful who leave the church after Mass. I see nothing on their faces. As if nothing happened. And so much happened! Jesus always dies in Holy Mass, and each one of us can say: I am a person for whom Someone has died! After Mass, people leave the church in haste. They do not seem to be touched by anything. Their gaze is as empty as when they came in. They are not even a little bit more open and joyful towards others, for whom Jesus also died. We come, we pass, we leave superficially, and we remain empty. This is truly offensive. It surely offends Jesus! He gives Himself, He sacrifices Himself and He dies, and we remain indifferent and cold. This is what made me think: If I were Jesus, I would not have been ready to die for these kind of people who behave in such a way and who are not touched by my sacrifice.

Some time after my interior torment, I understood that I was wrong. Jesus died out of pure love, unconditionally, without calculating. He would certainly repeat the same sacrifice for us, just as we are. This thought calmed me down, but I still ask: Why aren’t we more grateful? Why aren’t we more deeply touched by His love and His sacrifice?