Return to first love

1997 is forever etched in my heart as a year of revival in Jesus Christ. I experienced His love, which in one moment healed my painful soul and pulled me out of the chains of sadness – into the joy of God’s child. In the same year, Mother Teresa of Calcutta also died, which also had a very painful effect on me. I wanted to meet her, learn from her, get to know myself, my vocation. I was quite out of track, I was looking for my place, I was not persistent in prayer. In fact, I “used” prayer to have Jesus bless my intentions. I was 32 years old and I didn’t know where I belonged. A relationship that was very important to me just fell apart, like so many before. I experienced heartache, self-pity, accusations. In the end, all this turned into a deep depression. Darkness spread in my soul and around me. The eyes were crying, the soul was crying. Every day during the Holy Mass, she asked Jesus: “Either heal me, or take me to you.” I will never forget the moment when light suddenly began to penetrate the terrible darkness. The light that I perceived with my eyes and felt in my heart as HOPE.

I had an incredibly good experience of love. I knew it was coming from heaven. And even though it only lasted for a moment that repeated itself over several weeks, it still feeds my faith to this day. Then I was invited to go to Medjugorje. Shortly after we arrived, after 20 difficult hours for me, the same feeling of God’s love came over me. As soon as I touched the ground with my foot, I seemed to come alive and, not knowing anything about Medjugorje, ran to Podbrdo. I was surprised to see a hill full of people speaking different languages. However, literally seized by a strange desire, I stopped at the first joyful secret of the Rosary. Looking at the Mother of God, the good Lord God made me aware of my sinful life. Tears of regret, shame and repentance flooded my face. Suddenly I felt someone touch my right shoulder, and soon after that my left shoulder, and in my heart I heard the words: “You are not living according to My plan, convert!” I immediately opened my eyes, but there was no one near me. Nowhere, not a person. Looking around, she saw the church. I knew I had to confess that this was my only salvation. Before each confessor there was a long line, except for one. The Lord led me to this. An old priest was sitting inside, who kindly greeted me with the words: “I’m already waiting for you.” At first I had a good cry, and then I started. The gentleness and patience of the sacrificial priest helped me to go deep. At the words “I absolve you” I felt the chain breaking that covered my chest. One and only holy confession – and the good Heavenly Father restored to me the dignity of God’s child. Thanks to this experience, Medjugorje became a second home for me. I felt that my place was here, but I lacked the courage to take that very important first step. I was comforted by the possibility of returning at any time. I started my business. More and more work piled up, and Medjugorje was visited less and less. However, I never broke contact. The Youth Festival has always been a reserved date for pilgrimage, and when Medjugorje needed to be defended from critics, I always did. The Mother of God gave me the joy of adoration, which, in addition to the Holy Mass and the Rosary, became a daily necessity for me. In 2018, I participated in spiritual exercises – fasting, prayer, silence. Virgin Mary once again gave grace to the full. First love was knocking on my heart. She has long asked if Jesus is first in my life. In 2019, I came again for the same spiritual exercises.The Mother of God knocked harder, and I could answer Her with a clear conscience: “Yes, Jesus, Your Son, has the first place in my life.” Soon after that, Jesus let me know how much it pleases Him when I spend time with Him. I don’t know which of us was more happy about it, so I started worshiping Him at night as well. A wonderful time. I spent my life with Him in prayer, and He worries about me in everything.

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